The Power of Music: How Linkin Park Brought Me Healing

The news of Chester Bennington’s suicide took me, as it did most of the world, by surprise.

I had been out for the afternoon, disconnected from social media and texts, only to return to the shocking news that that the vocal powerhouse that led Linkin Park for so long had been found dead.

I has only been a couple of months since their newest album, One More Light, was released. Like many of their fans, Linkin Park’s raw vocals often touched a very deep part of me, parts that, for various reasons, I kept buried deep inside, sometimes allowing them to escape through the tears as I listen to Numb, Somewhere I Belong, on In The End.

One song from that album, Nobody Can Save Me, had a similar effect. The first time I heard it, I could tell it was going to be ‘one of those songs’ from Linkin Park for me. Having started a regular meditation practice, I decided to incorporate meditation into my listening of this song, to explore the feelings I was experiencing.

After an hour of listening to Nobody Can Save Me (on repeat), it hit me.

These words, which I have copied below from Google Play, were being used by that part of that had been buried for so long – he (that part of me) was crying out for forgiveness. He was ready to heal; ready to change; ready to take control of creating a positive life; but in order to do that, that part of me needed forgiveness.

That part of be that has been holding on to pain, rejection, fear, and a host of other emotions was ready to move forward.

You see, I’ve come to understand/accept that we all have different parts within us (subpersonalities, brain modules, whatever you want to call them). Some of them are responsible for our negative beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors.

I’ve been working over the past year to strengthen the parts of me that wanted to be healthy and work with understanding and changing the parts of me that wanted to keep me trapped in the past; the parts related to depression, anxiety, anger, and negative behaviors/actions.

And I’ll say this work has dramatically transformed my life. So much so that I decided to become a coach so I could help others achieve the same level of freedom I’ve experienced.

But this song touched me in a way that indicated there was deeper work that needed to be done. As I explored my emotions in relation to Nobody Can Save Me, I realized that for all the healthy parts of me were trying to accomplish (and they have accomplished a lot!), to take the deeper, and perhaps final, steps toward complete healing, the parts of me that have been hurting and hiding in unhealthy thoughts and behaviors need to ‘buy in’ to this new direction in life, and take action.

And that’s what this song allowed me to experience. The painful parts of me were allowed to say to the healthy parts of me something like this:

Hey, we’ve come a long way together. Thanks for everything you have been doing to bring healing to us. But it’s time for me to take charge in this. It’s time for me to step up and be responsible for the healing too. You’ve told me everything is ok, but I need to hear that I’m forgiven. And I need you to hear that not even you can save me. Only I save me – only I can ultimately save ‘us’.

For all ‘my’ efforts to heal and improve ‘my’ life – the hurt parts of me needed self-forgiveness. And needed to join in the fight – and ultimately take charge of its own healing.

Once that realization hit me, it was as if an old part of me that has long used negative thoughts and actions to numb and cope from its pain and fear was healed.

The reality of what happened in my experience with this song is challenging to put into words.  

Ironically, one of the last songs the Chester helped write and perform before his death, was the one Linkin Park song that brought me personal healing on a deeper level that I’ve ever experienced.

As a tribute to Chester, and in hopes that this post might help someone else heal, I am including the lyrics and song below.

#RIPChester. You were deeply loved by so many, and will be sorely missed.

Nobody Can Save Me

I’m dancing with my demons

I’m hanging off the edge

Storm clouds gather beneath me

Waves break above my head

At first hallucination

I wanna fall wide awake now

You tell me it’s alright

Tell me I’m forgiven

Tonight

But nobody can save me now

I’m holding up a light

Chasing up the darkness inside

‘Cause nobody can save me

Stare into this illusion

For answers yet to come

I chose a false solution

But nobody proved me wrong

At first hallucination

I wanna fall wide awake

Watch the ground giving way now  

You tell me it’s alright

Tell me I’m forgiven

Tonight

But nobody can save me now

I’m holding up a light

I’m chasing up the darkness inside

‘Cause nobody can save me

Been searching somewhere out there

For what’s been missing right here

I’ve been searching somewhere out there

For what’s been missing right here

I wanna fall wide awake now

So tell me it’s alright

Tell me I’m forgiven

Tonight

If only I can save me now

I’m holding up a light

Chasing up the darkness inside

And I don’t wanna let you down

But only I can save me

Been searching somewhere out there

For what’s been missing right here

Written by Jonathan Ian Green, Chester Bennington, Robert G. Bourdon, Bradford Philip Delson, David Farrell, Joseph Hahn, Mike Shinoda • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group

*Lyrics from Google Play.

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